Day 98: What I Learned: Titus Andronicus (or, If I Haven't Finished This Play by Now, I Might As Well Give Up on the Whole Project)

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This drawing fails to capture the gruesomeness disgustingness of this play.

What did I learn from Titus Andronicus? Uh, I learned that if Coriolanus is like 24, then Titus Andronicus is like Saw. Or Faces of Death. Or some lost episode of South Park that takes place entirely inside Eric Cartman's brain (see below).

Samuel Woodforde illustration of Tamora watching Lavinia dragged away to be raped, from Act 2, Scene 3; engraved by Anker S. Smith (1793) via Wikipedia
Wondering if the violence is all murder-based? Oh no, there's rape too. Fucking hell, Shakespeare.

Young Lucius stares at the body of Aaron's baby in Jane Howell's adaptation for the BBC Television Shakespeare; in the background, his father is being inaugurated as the new emperor via Wikipedia
Wondering what that is? Trust me, you don't want to know. A baby coffin. It's a fucking baby coffin. Goddammit, Shakespeare!

Tereus Confronted with the Head of his Son Itylus by Peter Paul Rubens (1637) via Wikipedia
Offended by the bosoms? Perhaps you missed the severed heads. FREAKING SEVERED HEADS, SHAKESPEARE! And I didn't even mention the MULTIPLE SEVERED HANDS and SEVERED TONGUE.

South Park Season 5, Episode 4: "Scott Tenorman Must Die" 
Oh yeah...and FORCED CANNIBALISM. Really, Shakespeare? Really?
Oh hey! Wikipedia agrees with me: The plot of "Scott Tenorman Must Die" has been compared to that of the Shakespeare tragedy Titus Andronicus, in which the humiliated protagonist also exacts revenge by feeding his enemies their own relatives. Some authors viewed the episode as not only an allusion to the violent Shakespearean tragedy, but an actual retelling of it.

What did I learn from Titus Andronicus? Uh, I learned that you can't claim to have read all of Shakespeare's plays without having read this one. Which is kind of like saying you can't really call yourself a "movie buff" without forcing yourself to watch torture porn. Goddammit, Shakespeare. Seriously, dude. This play was messed up.